The anniversary of my brother’s death is approaching. (deep sigh)

I miss him terribly, but think about him often. He taught me so much about how to be self sufficient or at least gain an understanding of how things work, how to make repairs. He talked so much, ranted often about politics and couldn’t wait to get off the phone sometimes. As I imagine listening to him, if I had the opportunity now I would simply smile. What a joy it would be just hearing his voice. I can imagine it, can hear it crystal clear in this moment.

My Dad died last year and now I have the opportunity to enjoy my Mother as she lives out her last days in my home with me. Our home for now. Monday I took at walk in the park early in the morning. when I returned Mom was not up yet. The thought crossed my mind “I hope she is okay”. I did not want to open her door for fear I may wake her, but I was nervous.

I had a work appointment at 10:00 AM and was very relieved when I heard her bedroom door open around 10:15. A sense of gratitude overwhelmed me as I later greeted her with a kiss and hug, telling her “I love you”. The thought of losing her made me realize how precious each moment is now.

Do I still lose my patience with her? Absolutely! It is difficult and a process to redirect myself from the years of autopilot negative responses. I am catching myself and letting things go much faster. I am grateful to God that I have been practicing and changing over the past 29 years so know I am ready for these current challenges.

Thank God for the willingness to change!