Upon reflection it feels as though I lived many lives simultaneously when I was growing up…I maintained girl scouts, band, church, youth group, addiction, babysitting and school. All before I was even 16. Sometimes as a result of the drugs I used, I would be up all night quietly cleaning out my file cabinet…

I still keep myself so busy because I do not feel worthy. Not quite good enough to deserve being happy, content, satisfied. Still sometimes feeling as though I have to keep working so hard to prove myself, to prove I am worthy…

Today I am grateful to experience some peace and serenity within myself, even when life is chaotic on the outside. Amusing now to think of how I attempted to find order in my chaos…the illusion of chaos.

Today I know that I am in control of my illusions and perceptions. I can change my perspective anytime I chose to.